You Again

You verified my address and made sure I'd be home in the evening. Then you had a dozen roses delivered to my door from 1-800-FLOWERS with the most adorable note attached. The roses were cliche but the note was very personal. I'd write it here but I'm afraid you might see it one day and realize what a hopeless romantic I can be, falling for you this way. It's not supposed to happen like this. I'm not supposed to care about you that way. You are not supposed to be sweet on me. I am not supposed to like you.

Alkaline Dependence

Actually I just need to replace the batteries on my mouse, but this is very frustrating. A wireless mouse isn't supposed to be more of a pain than a wired one! Darn batteries die every few months, and then I have to keep pressing the button on the bottom to squeeze every last ounce of energy out of those suckers. Even rechargeable batteries suck. Who invented batteries anyway? Why can't we just have Bluetooth radio waves power everything? They don't need batteries, right? Gosh I hope not, or I will never buy anything Bluetooth ever.

I mean really, how archaic are batteries, in this so-called technology age. What about touchscreens, virtual reality, fingerprint recognition, voice activated commands -- and when can I get some? Are we really going to be dependent on alkaline to take us into the future? Someone please come up with a better solution IMMEDIATELY and let me know. Thank you, and have a nice day.

My Alter-ego Loves You

You are passionate and temperamental. Seductive and exotic. My parents hate you and I could never date you. But my alter-ego loves you.

You interfere with my life plans and get in the way of my goals while simultaneously praising me for them. You deal drugs to buy me expensive dinners on the weekends and will probably work for your father for the rest of your life despite any faith that I'm inspiring to you. You make me crave a taste of imperfection, leaving behind years of hard work for a few nights in your arms, and my alter-ego loves you for it.

I will never have your baby and you don't envision life past 40, what a rush. You bring me back to that adolescent naïvitey that I usually run away from, and my current ego hates you for it. But my alter-ego loves you, and sometimes I really love my alter-ego.

Multicultural Dating

RT said he would never touch a girl who had ever dated / hooked up with a black guy. Meaning a white girl, no need to specify. So my chances are kapoot with him but I suppose that's a good thing. I wouldn't want to date someone who thought like that anyway, even if he didn't know I've hooked up with not only black, but Hispanic and Asian men - not to mention women. His rationale: black men "disrespect" white women. But of course, RT has some supporting evidence, because he played football with a number of them so he knows how they talk. Boy, if I could just get a voice recording of locker-room conversations... I'm sure black men are not the only ones disrespecting white women.

Working at Btos as a waitress years ago, I had heard similar feelings expressed by what I like to call a DOM (dirty old man/men). In conversation, I told him that my ex was Jamaican and he reacted as though I had said he'd been a monkey. "Why would you want to do that?" he'd said, partially referring to the dating and partially referring to the sex. At least DOM didn't bother me after that. Perhaps I should have tried this strategy at Hooters. "Hi, my name is Delia and I have sex with black men. So what can I get for ya tonight?"

Call me Dee.

There are a number of reasons for my nickname DD. I'm sure you can guess one of them. It paid off when I worked at Hooters one summer to help offset the cost of my education. But that's another story completely. More than one story, even.

Another reason is also obvious and pathetically uninspired. They're my initials.

You can call me DD, if you're a sexual man. Or a hot lesbian. Or if you know me well enough to know my last name. If you want to be friends, call me Dee. I look forward to sharing my life with you, but it will be unpredictable and uninhibited. Keep checking back for updates, or subscribe to my feed if that sounds like fun to you ;-)